And I am trying to be okay with it. I really am. Change what I can and accept the rest, you know? I am trying to learn balance. And I am failing miserably this week.
Today I was seriously tempted to go sit in a corner and rock back and forth while ignoring all that was required of me. You'll be happy to know that I resisted that temptation, and instead got out of bed, put on my lipstick and mascara and tromped off to work where I taught three lessons. It would have been four, except one was sick (tender mercy), and I used that time to practice for my upcoming stuff which I should totally have memorized by now, but when on earth I am supposed to memorize Italian arias? Beats me! Then I walked over to the cafeteria, where I had a lunch meeting for my other job that I don't talk about much on this blog but have to do nonetheless.
After my oh-so-filling lunch that consisted of a banana and a gluten-free granola bar, I dashed off to the elementary school where I helped Sophia and her classmates make a Valentine's project. One would suppose that such a project would have tipped me off to the fact that TOMORROW is February 14 and that maybe I should have thought about making/buying Valentines for my children to hand out in class. But, it didn't.
After all of the cute first grade projects were finished, I dashed off home, where I let the dog out of her kennel and ran around the house cleaning what I could, and then I loaded Puccini up in the van to run errands. Like going to the bank. I deposited some checks and Pucci got her doggy treats (she knows the word "bank," you know) and then we ran over to pick Joel up and off to Girl Scouts. I am the co-leader for Sophia's troop, and today was our meeting.
After girl scouts, I put my chauffeur hat on and dropped off and picked up each of my girls at their various musical endeavors: Youth orchestra, piano lessons, group violin.
It was when I picked up Chloe from piano lessons that I realized that I didn't have Valentines. That I haven't even THOUGHT about having Valentines. OHMYGOSH! What kind of a mother doesn't remember VALENTINES? And since when did I become that mother?
We had about 15 minutes before we had to pick Bria up from orchestra, so we ran to the nearest grocery store where they did not sell any Valentines. Or--more likely--they were out of stock since it is February 13. We were just about ready to buy Easter candy to give out for Valentine's Day, when I finally saw some cute heart-shaped suckers. But it was nearly 6:30 pm and our day was FAR from over, and I had no idea what we would actually do with the suckers. But I bought them anyway, and went on my not-so-merry way.
We ran home and shoveled dinner in our mouths (how thankful I am for a husband who happily cooks dinner while I am chauffering!) and ran out the door yet again. This time to take my three daughters to their very first rehearsal for Fiddler on the Roof.
|My three girls auditioning for Fiddler on the Roof. Sophia is in the pink snow pants, Chloe is next to her with the blue boots, and Bria is right behind Chloe.|
You might wonder why on earth I have allowed them to be in a musical when, clearly, I can't handle it. I wonder the same thing. But they were all dying to be in it, and how could I deny them such a wonderful experience? And, folks--they even sang SOLOS at the audition. In front of people. My children. My children who have an opera singer for a mother but who HATE singing in front of people themselves even though they sing all the livelong day at home. Okay, so Chloe doesn't mind the singing in public thing, but Bria and Sophia would rather stick forks in their eyes than sing a note for a person who doesn't share their same DNA. But they did it! My heart nearly burst with pride when Bria got up and sang some Taylor Swift song about throwing remotes and football helmets. She turned a little pink and looked like she might cry at any time, but her voice was clear and beautiful, just the way it sounds when she thinks nobody is listening. And Sophia sang Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star, and it was quiet and cute and perfect and I couldn't believe she did it and so I cried. I was just so dang inspired by the way those two conquered their fears and did something that scared them to death because they really wanted to be in a play.
And that is why I let them be in the musical, even though it's just one more thing on our schedule. So I stayed with them for a while at rehearsal, (man, they were adorable!) and then I went to book club where I got to be with friends and recharge my own batteries a bit.
I came home only a few minutes after the girls had settled in bed, so I went upstairs to kiss them good night. I listened to them tell me all about rehearsal and the songs they had started to learn and how funny the lyrics were (...and marry whoever Papa picks!). They eagerly showed me the Valentines they made all by themselves with the pink and red cardstock and heart stickers I dug out for them before I left for book club. They were happy. Ecstatic, even. They certainly didn't care that I didn't buy them cute Monster High Valentines or make the Perfect Crafty Valentines. They had a wonderful day in spite of my imperfections, and I looked at my three wonderful, beautiful, amazing daughters and started to realize that maybe I'm not such a screw-up of a mother after all.
Until I got downstairs and realized that nobody did their homework this afternoon.
Ah, well. I can live with being a screw-up. I've gotten pretty used to it.